An Important Announcement – SPM the Movie!

Steampunk’d–The True Story of SteamPunk Magazine

Sean Connery

Executive producers:
C. Allegra Hawksmoor
Margaret Killjoy

C. Allegra Hawksmoor
Dylan Fox
Margaret Killjoy
Libby Bulloff

As the Heroes:
Sean Connery as Charles Allegra Hawksmoor
Dolph Lundgren as Dylan ‘the Night Fox’
Robert Pattison as Margaret Killjoy
Christopher Lloyd as Dr. Geof
Cate Blanchett as Libby Bulloff
Whoopi Goldberg as Katie Casey
Jackie Chan as Juan Navarro

As the Villians:
Anthony Hopkins as Charles Babbage
Uma Thurman as Ada Lovelace

Guest starring:
Bruce Stirling as The Archivist and
Alan Moore as The Bard

Soundtrack by Abney Park

After the crack job he did with The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, long-time friend of SteamPunk Magazine Alan Moore put Sean Connery in touch with Allegra. She’s been talking to Universal for the last couple of months, but I’m sure you understand the need to keep these things under wraps until the ink is on the contract.

Universal have slated a modest budget of $200 million to make Steampunk’d: The True Story of SteamPunk Magazine. But fans of the magazine needn’t worry that we’re abandoning our long-held conviction of putting the Punk back into SteamPunk.

The story is set is a post-apocalypse future, ruled over by the tyrannical Babbage Corporation. Society is run by the clockwork click of their Difference Engines and every individual’s life is planned out at birth, their DNA turned into a punchcard and fed into the machines. The perfect predictable functioning of society has allowed the British Empire to span the world, with just a few pockets of ‘savages’ left in the American First Nations and the plains of Mongolia.

Head of ‘Technical Support’ is Ada Lovelace. Far from being there to fix any problems which may occur with the Engines, TS is little more than a thought police which Lovelace is using to grind any notion of independent thought under the heal of her steel stilettos. Drawing inspiration from the Iron Lady of British politics–Margaret Thatcher–Lovelace is uncompromising, ambitious and seemingly without a chink in her armour.

Hawksmoor (Connery) is one of the few old enough to remember a time before the tyranny of Babbage. He travels the remains of the British Isle, through the decaying remains of Westminster Palace, the Houses of Parliament, Stone Henge and other iconic British landmarks, recruiting a group of outlaws and free-thinkers to strike back against Babbage. The fruit of their shared vision is SteamPunk Magazine, a voice of freedom, printed underground and distributed through a covert network of sympathisers.

As the influence of SteamPunk Magazine grows, Babbage’s system begins to fall apart and Hawksmoor’s destiny takes him on an unavoidable collision course with non other than Babbage himself!

Amidst the chaos and confusion caused by the conflict between Hawksmoor and Babbage, Bulloff seizes the opportunity to settle a decades old personal score… bringing the fight Lovelace’s own personal sanctum…

We’re also very pleased to have been talking to EA about the video game tie-in. The creative team they’ve assigned to the project are as excited about it as we are. We’ve also managed to secure the services of a number of our regular contributing artists to ensure the game has that unmistakable SPM ‘look’. At the moment, EA are talking about making it an Xbox 360 exclusive, but we’re pushing real hard to get a multi-format release. We’ve always believed our readers should be able to enjoy the magazine in whatever format they want, and we’re determined they should be allowed to experience the game on whatever system they prefer.

Shooting is due to start in mid-September (look out for a location list–we’re going to need extras, people!), with the final piece due to hit cinemas in time for Christmas 2012! How’s that for a stocking filler?

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45 Responses to “An Important Announcement – SPM the Movie!”

  1. this is Excelelnt news! Just the kind of publicity and visibility Steam-punk Deserves with the best Team to guide society to a Steam-future!

  2. While bringing the noble cause of Steampunk to a greater prominence has often been a desire of mine, I view this project with a sinking heart. Steampunk is epitomized by manners, organization, and a return to the values of Empire and Empress. It is worrying therefore that this movie will cast the Empire as evil and romanticize those who would seek to overthrow an ordered society. This seems to be a step backwards in characterization of Steampunk towards the chaos of Cyberpunk rather than the reason of Steampunk. I can only hope the writing of the script is better than the writing of this article.

  3. April Fool anyone?

  4. I cannot believe that you have sidelined me so much in this project that I don’t even exist in this filmed world! If it wasn’t for me your magazine would be full of mistakes and you’d still be an anti-feminist racist! I will be expecting royalties from this project and acknowledgement in the credits and for a public apology for your thoughtlessness!

  5. You’re nothing to us, Cal Wimsey. You hear us? Nothing! We only let you tag along because we feel sorry for you. You can take your public apology and shove it up your stovepipe hat!

  6. Felt sorry for me, you beg and bribe me to help you out with your magazine and your websites and reading books for you (because you can’t actually read!), you’re just a traitorous lier! Who lies!

  7. Cal> Yep, that’s right. You’re such a great proofreader that you can’t actually spell ‘Liar’!

    You disgust me! Get thee from mine sight!


  8. To Andii – I feel that Steampunk Magazine is too serious and too anarchist to take part in such a mainstream tradition as April Fools Day.

  9. rhea> Yep. Definitely too humorless, too.

    Fortunately we’re not above selling the movie rights to Universal. Which is just as well!

  10. On the advice of my lawyer, I’d like to dissociate myself from the above comment.

  11. You almost had me till I read Sean Connery in the 2nd line.


    A lier – someone who lies in wait to attack. I see your vocabulary is as consistently terrible as usual.

    To clarify – you lie in wait, stalk your prey, and then attack without warning. Which is quite impressive given how loud and attention-seeking you normally are.

  13. Cal> Yeah? Yeah? You know what? YOUR MUM!

    Yeah. How’d you like them apples?

    I’m calling our lawyers now. You haven’t heard the last of this!

  14. You don’t have lawyers, you have a parole officer with a stammer!

  15. Since you asked so nicely, I’ll have a word with Sean. We’ll see if we can get you written into the script. Find someone to play you. Robin Williams, maybe.

    He’s certainly hairy enough!

  16. Hang on a minute: Sean COnnery and Dolph Lundgren in one movie? Have you been raiding my slash fiction?

  17. At ‘admin’ – (because you don’t dare use your name for fear of all the old ladies you’ve seduced and run away from finding you) I am pleasantly hirsute which makes me very appealing to a number of people including, say, your partner!

  18. Cal> Appealing to your mum, more like!

  19. Jo Thomas> you can’t slash real people! That’s so disgusting you deserve to burn in hell!

  20. At Dylan – this is exactly the kind of cowardice I would expect from you!

  21. At ‘admin’ – yes, well done, my mother loves me (platonically) as mothers are meant to do. Of course your mother abandoned you before you were born and you’ve never met a body you wouldn’t abuse (including your own, leading to your ‘wasteland caused by gin and opium’ appearance) so you have a complete lack of knowledge of healthy relationships.

  22. I’ll have you know that it’s not abuse if they enjoy it!

  23. Wow, you know, this place has REALLY gone down hill since that Margaret Killjoy left! It now appears to be run entirely by jibbering lunatics. 😉

  24. At admin – drugged laughter is not enjoyment, it’s a hysterical disbelief response.

  25. At Allegra – we’re not gibbering, we’re extremely articulate!

  26. It is good to see the recent discussions of race and Orientalism have led to the celebration of Sizdah Be-dar.

  27. Woo! Finally cashing in! Who needs politics when I have a solid gold AK-47?

    Wait, does that make me political if what I want to buy is an AK? crap.

  28. At Magpie – I suppose it depends on who you’re shooting with it. Capitalists – yes you’re political. Random strangers – not political.

  29. To be honest, I think a solid gold AK is the only political statement that you’ll ever need to make.

  30. PinK > I beg to differ. Seam Connery can’t be a real person. It’s been years since he saw his real accent, for a start 🙂

  31. A solid gold AK-47 is an artistic statement, dah-ling. The driving force behind capitalism literally forged into the primary instrument of enforcing Communism? Genius!

  32. And slashing real people isn’t any worse than slashing fictional people. And hey, real people aren’t under copyright, so they’ve got that going for them…

  33. This is the most exciting news that I’ve heard in a great while! Congratulations and wishing all involved many good lucks with the production.

  34. Jo Thomas> Its so rude! And an invasion of there privacy! What if they read it? Sean Connery has children you know. And what’s wrong with his accent its a good scotch accent.

    Dylan Fox> But then they sue you. And people believe you that they are gay and Perez Hilton drawers on them and then they never get to work again except maybe on Queer As Folk.

  35. I congratulate you on a spiffing jape! It caused my merriment in my household over our morning tea and caused me to expel crumpet crumbs across my breakfast table at speed.

  36. Actually, Art, we’re looking to crowdsource some props. Any chance you could give us an address for the studio to approach you through?

  37. Gladly! Send me a private email or email me through my museum exhibition blog.
    Best Regards! Art.

  38. Art – you are aware this is an April Fool’s joke? I’d hate for you to get your hopes up.

  39. Only 5.5 (EST) hours left to April Fool’s Day-
    Any more takers? 😉

  40. Phew! 😀

  41. 🙁 disappointed that I’m not in it! Come on, an engineer historian would make a great supervillain!

  42. We only had to leave you out because we couldn’t thinking of anyone who could possibly do you justice on screen, Carolyn…

  43. Haha fine. True, though, anyone who could play me is either dead or too old now…. Speaking of which, is it my imagination or is the new Dr Who actually young Michael Palin?

  44. Pink > He may be Scottish but his accent started moving somewhere mid-Atlantic years ago 🙂 Anyway, what makes you think I was serious about slash fiction? (For a start, I’d never write down anything _that_ incriminating).

    Carolyn > Noooooooooooooooooooooooo! You’ve just ruined Michael Palin for me…

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